All my life, I've been told conflicting ideas and stories about what I should want, the careers I should pursue, and how I should live my life.
Most of these ideas came from my mother and other women around me who believed in the pursuit of a picture-perfect life.
According to them:
Financial comfort and independence should top my list.
I should strive to be a perfect A+ student, never asking for help or support from anyone.
If my husband cheats, I should accept it because, according to their belief, all men cheat, and this is the best one could hope for.
For a very long time, I carried the burden of conforming to everyone's expectations, even though every fiber of my being told me not to. Constantly seeking validation, I yearned to feel accomplished and whole.
I never felt the deep fire and excitement that should accompany life. Instead, I lived in constant fear and anxiety, occasionally rebelling against the prescribed path. The guilt of not pursuing what I loved consumed me to the point where sleep was a rare visitor. It felt as if I couldn't accomplish anything.
Finally, I made a decision to search within myself for that inner fire.
It didn't take long to find it; it was right there in front of me. I felt a sense of calmness that I had never experienced before.
Yet, I rejected it.
Consider what my self-gaslighting sounded like:
There was no way someone like me could live like that; how could I even dare to think about it?
I convinced myself that I was content with my life, reasoning, "I have what I need, what more could I want?"
Nah, this isn't for you; you're nobody to break away from traditions and venture out on your own.
It's scary out there; you can't handle it.
If you do this, you're selfish; you're betraying your family.
This internal gaslighting causes many of us to silence the inner voice that urges us to pursue our dreams – the voice that encourages us to embrace the desire for great and beautiful things.
Instead, we sit with a burning dream, deluding ourselves out of it to the point where we lock that dream in a box and place it in a dark corner of our minds – all the while making excuses.
Please, don't do that. You are the dreamer, and you can make it happen. In my eight years of working with women as a color therapist, I have never encountered anyone with a dream that wasn't achievable.
I've assisted women in achieving their aspirations and becoming better versions of themselves through meditation and color therapy (using color to treat physical and mental health by balancing the body’s energy centers).
I believe everyone can do it.
So, you need to unlearn the crippling stories you've been telling yourself. It's your duty to do so.
“You are here to decide if your life, relationships, and world are true and beautiful enough for you.
And if they're not, and you dare to admit it, you must decide if you have the guts, the right – perhaps even the duty – to burn to the ground that which is not true and beautiful enough and get started building what is.”
― Glennon Doyle, Untamed
